Considering Polygamy...

After a very long day, I decided to stay home instead of going out to join some friends at happy hour. Home alone on a Friday night...every single woman's nightmare right? I did a little bit of work, had dinner, watched t.v., chatted with friends on text message, and watched 20/20. Tonight's show was on Sex and Cheating...At first I wasn't paying attention but then I heard a woman talking about the day her husband asked her to accept a polygamous relationship. He wanted to bring another woman into their marriage! She said she cried, but then decided to try it out. WTF was my first thought. How selfish of this man! The lady went on to say that over time she became friends with the new wife in her marriage. I was speechless.

But I started thinking, what would I do if my future husband asks for an open marriage or wants to bring another wife into our marriage? These days it seems that more and more people are seeking unconventional marriages and relationships. There are swing bars in every major city, a brief glance in classifieds has ads requesting threesomes, and most people are deciding to cohabitate instead of marry. I can't help but question if my old fashion ideals about relationships and marriage are outdated and giving me a slimmer chance of finding the right guy. Will I have to bend my rules to have a relationship? When is it ok to let go of certain ideas in order to have a relationship? I honestly don't know. Of course any decision that goes against a value or can result in abuse behavior is a no-no. But, if most guys cheat can I one day allow another woman into my relationship or marriage?

I recently learned that the man I had developed feelings for is engaged. I’ve known him for a little over a year and at first I had zero interest in him, but about two months ago things started to change. I saw potential in a friendship that appeared to be developing into a relationship. After I discovered he was already committed to another woman, I put a stop to continuing what was developing between us. He on the other hand would be perfectly fine “letting things develop naturally “as he says. I will be honest I was almost convinced, because I like him…a lot…but I don’t want to man share. I know that other cultures practice polygamy, and I honestly don’t understand how that works. It seems so demeaning and unfair to the women. But can it work? Am I being closed minded? Should I look into polygamy?

Marry- Go- Round!

I have been dating since I was 18, but if you count my Sunday school boyfriend it was 15. In the past 6 years I have interacted with and reacted to dozens of men. A few have been more memorable than others. After my first heart break I turned into a serial dater. Not wanting to commit, finding fatal flaws, and keeping a man in the wings--there was always a back up.

This dating schizophrenia started quite innocently (it always does) when I was 21. I was trying to get over my first love and threw myself into dating. I had a goal of one date a month, soon enough I was racking up more than one date a month and my self-confidence gained a bit of a boost. Well, of course things changed, although I didn't realize it at the time. I complained to myself and anyone that would listen that I only attracted commitment phobes when the truth was I was the biggest commitment phobe! Any man that called me everyday, clearly didn't have a life and was trying to smother me-- something my young ass was not having any part of! So I came up with excuses as to why it just wasn't going to work out. "We are on two different paths," "this is getting to serious for me," "I am not ready for a relationship" and so on and so on.

My attitude and behavior made me an expert at catching the eye of fellow comittment phobes. I cling to them like white on rice 'cause its safe and is a lot more fun than the actual torment of a REAL relationship. I even dated a guy for 2 years on and off, as his pseudo-girlfriend-- talk about a glutton for punishment! I convince myself into thinking that I actually want and am ready for a relationship; I go on and on about the current beau in my life and how amazing that third date on the waterfront was... you know the one, where he gazes into my eyes and only sees me Yeah that one! I gush and gush, make future plans in my head and overanalyze his every single move. Why does he say "I will call you back" and then doesn't? Paranoia starts to sink in and because I've spent more time daydreaming and analyzing his behavior I forget to communicate and gather essential information from my beau. I soon discover 4 months have passed and I don't even know if he is dating anyone else!

And so it goes, around and around my dating "marry-go-round" circling around relationships that I hope will produce a future husband, but knowing I fear the committment required for a lasting realtionship. This reality hits me like a pail full of ice cold water as I realize even though I've had a string of dates, its been 5 YEARS since I've been in a committed relationship.

So here I am 26 and single, contributing to a blog that was a spur of the moment idea from a gmail chat! My name is Diaz, welcome to my world.

Welcome to Fresh Offense!

A Fresh Offense is when someone you trust to treat you right behaves in a way that is counter to common sense and respectful behavior. We encounter these situations on a daily basis ranging from minor to major Fresh Offenses. Above all the worst Fresh Offenses are from the men in our lives that we like! They seem so sweet and caring, funny, attractive, and we think they are into us...but before we know it we are standing in a restaurant watching them being sweet and funny with another woman. This blog is a space for women to share their Fresh Offenses. Let it out! Are you dating or have you dated a man who did a 180 on you? Things seem to be going great than SMACK reality hits? The writers of this blog are two women in their mid to late 20s one in Boston the other in DC. Over the years we have shared our Fresh Offenses on a daily basis and we are sure that our experiences are not unique. We know we are not the only ones who have discovered the man in our life is sleeping with his exgirlfriend. We want to hear from all the single women who are dealing with similar issues when it comes to men.